Most Wanted

The even more intrusive wooden fence on top had responded well to a couple of 'mile a minute' Russian Vines, and it was now almost acceptable.I sat down on the bench for a moment and thought of Laura.We'd had five good years here in our dream home, and then I'd discovered that she was cheating on me with the bloke who I had thought was my best friend.It had been quite a shock at the time; although with hindsight, the more frequent rows, the lack of communication, the nights away on business and the reduction in love-making should all have given the game away, long before the night I came home to find her wedding and engagement rings sitting on the kitchen table, together with her note telling me that she had left me for Derek.It had all happened very quickly.Over the next few days, with the help of Derek's wife Becky, and the police, I put together the pieces.The fraudulent remortgage of our house for another £100,000, with the money going into Laura's own account and not into the. "I don't have any digestive problems" I say, which is 89% true. That's when it happens. You leap up and latch your arms around my neck, dangling from me like a little monkey or something. This is very sexy to me, somehow. Over your jeans, I put my finger up against where I assume your butthole would be. You exhale like a fag."Where do you buy these jeans anyway? Baby gap?" I'm obviously teasing. Maybe I'm trying to coax the bad boy out of you.You rise to the challenge and you bite my nose. With your mouth this close to my nostrils, I can smell your breath very clearly. It smells like Monster Energy."I can't wake up without Monster Energy," you say. I didn't even bring it up. You must have known that I could smell it, which either means you're a mind reader or your mouth always smells like Monster Energy."Are you a mind rea-"Before I can finish, you swing your legs up over the small of my back. They curl together. You are like a legit monkey and I am like your legit monkey mommy.
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